Indeed.

Too much to say.

Days have been mundane. Not much to highlight. Buying stationary. Buying working flats. Sleeping in the early morning and waking up not satisfied with sleep. Dreams that are draining me. Going to my aunt's place to spend time with my cousin and my aunt did facial for me, relaxing. Failing ridiculously at my craft project. Spending time with those I care for. Watching The Mummy Three with Jude and him, hahaha, ridiculous. Had my cold feet lovingly massaged. Having too much coke at night. (Yea, Jude, best you ignore my wants for having Pepsi) Rants at my dining table with Jude. Missing Sheryl. Watching movies at night with Gerard when sleep didn't come. Getting those mini foochow burgers I crave and love so much. Sent my granduncle off at the airport with my family and my little man. Which was hilarious because my little man wanted to follow my granduncle to the departure gate. Carried him and walked with Athena to the area where one can see the planes land and depart to distract him. Was struggling to carry him, yes, he is light, but it's like carrying something on you that squirms and turns while walking, tiring, okay? So much for my smart idea to do so. My arms sore from doing that. Anyways..

Went to WCO yesterday. Different this time. Haven't been to YG or WCO in a long time, four weeks I've been told. Time has been sprinting past me. This WCO is going to stay in my head for a really long time. I remember trying so hard to feel something. Peace perhaps? I know I kept saying He is my Strength, my Peace, my Calm. Too much emotions that I am numb, I can't feel. No expression of how I feel. No tears, nothing. Smile and answer questions when asked. That's what I did from the beginning of the night till the end, he then told me that I wasn't really smiling much. I don't know. Too much on my mind. Had headaches. Jude sent me back after his work, I had Big Gulp (again). And I had my nic fix on the way back. Two. When I told myself never to have another. Long night. Tried watching DVDs but me thinks Gerard disapproves, so I stared at the ceiling yet again.

Supposed to go out with Athena this morning at Starbucks before she leaves on Sunday, which is tomorrow, but she cancelled the date later during the night as I was on my way home after WCO. Upset. Then again, what can I do? I did spend time with her on Wednesday night at Isabella's and McD's. Found out things from her that well, hurts. Reminder to self - that's life. So shut it. Shut it.

Didn't go out with my parents. Didn't spend time with Adeline, my cousin at grandparents' as mum planned. Just watched rain at my window and doing my chores. Didn't do anything productive. Just this numbness that follow me. My little man, Baby Dylan came along in the afternoon. Such a little rascal. Apparently, my brother gave him this ink stamp that has a cutesy face on it. That little rascal who was supposed to be taking his nap next to daddy, took off the cover and started to stamp it all around his limbs. Talk about being artistic at a young age. In the end, daddy was tsking him all the way and trying to clean him. Hilarious as he looked as though someone used permanent blue eye liner on him, lol! Brought him back next door, his grandma who is my aunt stays there, so yea. That little rascal..

The above was written before I went out earlier in the evening. Got back around 2230 from dinner with family, the extended one, mum's side. Dinner is yet another necessity for most Chinese families. Conversations ranges from politics, to my studies, to the place where I'm going, to Audrey's studies, to religion.. And sometimes, I just have this awkward feeling when they have a go at my plans and what not. Shrug it off. As I always do. Full course Chinese dinner. So full. And everyone kept commenting on how skinny I looked since the last dinner, which was a drag. Because, hello, I'm NOT SKINNY!!! Jude came by to pass me my purse, I left it in his car. (Yes, super absentminded of me) got me a chocolate sundae and Big Gulp, (again!) We went out at 2300 to get some munchies, because I want Jude to eat. (No, I'm not thinking of fattening you, you skinny dude, just want to see you eat) Felt kind of uncomfortable buying the munchies in my dress. Ranted at my dining table again.. Stole a few songs from his Gina. Then, he went back while ago as I nagged (those of you who know how much I nag, hehe), and I'm now.. here, still in the dress I wore for dinner, typing away. (I know I'm lazy)

Might try to sleep. I think I should watch Narnia again. Mr. Tumnus! Parents want to head out earlier later on in the day. Grocery shopping and buying some other things that are not bought yet. Don't know how to express myself of the late. Words, you have fail me again. Or maybe, I'm using this as an excuse. I'm trying now.

But I promise, no matter what, I'm smiling..