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Typing in the dark.
Yesterday. Dilly-dally-ed the day. Chores. Text Sheryl and him. Gastric. Headache.
And of course, in the afternoon. Waited for Jude for hours. When we finally headed out, we were just as indecisive. Thanks Jude. I needed the company. And the addictive rabbit milk chewy sweets. Thank you for the computer tips, lol! Thank you for actually eating! For bringing me to mass. For supper and being so relenting. For letting me pester you to talk. For letting me talk your ears off and tease you beyond anything. And just for being you. Thank you. =]
Early morning. *smiles* I needed the reassurance. I needed the affirmation. I needed the confirmation. I needed the truth albeit I can't deny it hurts badly to know. I needed to know how you feel. I needed the time. I needed the touch. I needed to give myself this picture to match the one I believe in. I needed to be selfish for once and keep you up again even though I'm the one with insomnia. I needed to hear you tell me things that I know and don't know about. I needed to just hear it from you even I'd rather talk to you in person. Screw technology, I like it, but I don't like it. I needed to be.. in your words - manja. I needed to just be insufferable and piss you off. I just.. need to. I need to feel the ache more now, because that is much of what I have. I don't understand myself either. I was affirmed but it hurts. I can't cry. So fuck tears. Bittersweet. Enough said.
Slept for a few hours. Fuck them dreams. I'm tired emotionally of them. So FUCK it. I'm tired that they can actually monopolize things. I'm tired that they can actually dominate my emotions. I woke up. Had enough. Chores. Hurl what I ate, what's new? Gastric. Checked mail. Keyed in TRN number, visa approved. *smiles* Then, errands with mummy. From running up the stairs of the department just because I don't want lose my number and holding up my jeans to getting bloody hostile attitudes from ex-masters and deans. Got my I.C. And currently, still an illegal high school dropout. They finally let me fill in the forms for the leaving procedure. It annoyed mummy because she had to stand there and was given those looks. Such a hassle. One department from another. Unnecessary much? Ah wells. Leaving cert will be taken soon, hopefully. Dark clouds. Anticipation. Called Audrey, was worried about her. That gila girl. Was laughing when I called her. Made me worried thinking she was in shock, while in fact, she is GLAD to come home and have a week break. Funny how He works. Hope to spend time with her. Miss that silly cousin. Went about finding this place to eat, just because mum thinks I'm too skinny, right. *sorry, I can't help rolling my eyes* Ended at Jade Pot, again, was there yesterday with Jude. Got home. Then, I fell asleep on my bed as it rained. Dreams again. I woke up. Mummy came into my room.. she bent down and look at me, eye level. She said I look like a sad kitten on my bed. Curled up and eyes shiny. Didn't have dinner. Went out after watching this drama series with mummy. Shops were closing. But there were nice IT technicians who smiled and were helpful. Bless your souls. So managed to see the Dell Inspron 1420, vibrant colors. Love it. We'd scout tomorrow, daddy says. Going shopping tomorrow, mummy and me. I need more time. I just want some more time, damn it. I miss Sheryl..
Shoot me. I want to cry.
While he wishes he, could escape this.
It all seems so contagious,
Not to be yourself and faceless..
In a song that has no soul.
Typing in the dark.
Yesterday. Dilly-dally-ed the day. Chores. Text Sheryl and him. Gastric. Headache.
And of course, in the afternoon. Waited for Jude for hours. When we finally headed out, we were just as indecisive. Thanks Jude. I needed the company. And the addictive rabbit milk chewy sweets. Thank you for the computer tips, lol! Thank you for actually eating! For bringing me to mass. For supper and being so relenting. For letting me pester you to talk. For letting me talk your ears off and tease you beyond anything. And just for being you. Thank you. =]
Early morning. *smiles* I needed the reassurance. I needed the affirmation. I needed the confirmation. I needed the truth albeit I can't deny it hurts badly to know. I needed to know how you feel. I needed the time. I needed the touch. I needed to give myself this picture to match the one I believe in. I needed to be selfish for once and keep you up again even though I'm the one with insomnia. I needed to hear you tell me things that I know and don't know about. I needed to just hear it from you even I'd rather talk to you in person. Screw technology, I like it, but I don't like it. I needed to be.. in your words - manja. I needed to just be insufferable and piss you off. I just.. need to. I need to feel the ache more now, because that is much of what I have. I don't understand myself either. I was affirmed but it hurts. I can't cry. So fuck tears. Bittersweet. Enough said.
Slept for a few hours. Fuck them dreams. I'm tired emotionally of them. So FUCK it. I'm tired that they can actually monopolize things. I'm tired that they can actually dominate my emotions. I woke up. Had enough. Chores. Hurl what I ate, what's new? Gastric. Checked mail. Keyed in TRN number, visa approved. *smiles* Then, errands with mummy. From running up the stairs of the department just because I don't want lose my number and holding up my jeans to getting bloody hostile attitudes from ex-masters and deans. Got my I.C. And currently, still an illegal high school dropout. They finally let me fill in the forms for the leaving procedure. It annoyed mummy because she had to stand there and was given those looks. Such a hassle. One department from another. Unnecessary much? Ah wells. Leaving cert will be taken soon, hopefully. Dark clouds. Anticipation. Called Audrey, was worried about her. That gila girl. Was laughing when I called her. Made me worried thinking she was in shock, while in fact, she is GLAD to come home and have a week break. Funny how He works. Hope to spend time with her. Miss that silly cousin. Went about finding this place to eat, just because mum thinks I'm too skinny, right. *sorry, I can't help rolling my eyes* Ended at Jade Pot, again, was there yesterday with Jude. Got home. Then, I fell asleep on my bed as it rained. Dreams again. I woke up. Mummy came into my room.. she bent down and look at me, eye level. She said I look like a sad kitten on my bed. Curled up and eyes shiny. Didn't have dinner. Went out after watching this drama series with mummy. Shops were closing. But there were nice IT technicians who smiled and were helpful. Bless your souls. So managed to see the Dell Inspron 1420, vibrant colors. Love it. We'd scout tomorrow, daddy says. Going shopping tomorrow, mummy and me. I need more time. I just want some more time, damn it. I miss Sheryl..
Shoot me. I want to cry.
While he wishes he, could escape this.
It all seems so contagious,
Not to be yourself and faceless..
In a song that has no soul.
"Shoot me. I want to cry."
ding dong!
That was a very random phrase in my head, because the image was so clear and I could see myself cocking the gun, a baby eagle for that matter, hear the barrel click.. and my finger rests on the trigger,my eyes closed. For now, I would not apply pressure. There's too much left unsaid..